Thursday, October 4, 2012

Uh Oh, Dynabone

Uh Oh, Dynabone

The City of Townsville -- the sun is just beginning to rise -- shining down on Townsville's stone age.

"Wog!",  said stone age Buttercup, who was usually the first one to awaken. She looked at her sister Blossom, then casually gave her a poke in the ribs.

"Bog?!", asked a startled Blossom.

The three girls shared glances, blinked, looked around. Their language was primitive, but they'd learned to communicate their thoughts, so let's translate them.

"I'll get a fire started to heat up the mammoth meat", said Bubbles, who floated away.

Blossom began a conversation. "You know, Buttercup, I'm starting to get tired of studying conversational Neanderthal. All they talk about is hunting. I wish there was something more challenging to spend my time on..."

"Aw, who cares. Once we're gone it won't make any difference anyway. People won't even know we existed."

"Buttercup, you're brilliant!", shouted Blossom. "That's it!"

"The mammoth meat's hot!", called out Bubbles.

And so the Girls sat down together to eat and discuss Blossom's plan.

The City of Townsville -- today.

"Girls! Girls! It's incredible!", said the Professor.

"Huh? What?", asked Buttercup.

"A cave! They were digging a foundation on the edge of Townsville and they found a cave! An honest to goodness cave!"

"That's wonderful, Professor! We should go check it out", encouraged Blossom.

 "What if there's scary skeletons?", asked a timid Bubbles.

"Well, you know, Bubbles, skeletons can't really hurt you", said Blossom.

"Yeah, it's the ghosts that hurt you !", taunted Buttercup.


Sure enough, there was a cave. The Utonium family  approached it, with hard hats on their heads. The Professor turned on a lantern and entered first.

"Gosh", he said, "There's been people living here. There's bones everywhere, and that's where they had their fire..."

"I'm starting to feel creepy, Professor....", said a worried Bubbles.

"Oh my gosh -- Professor -- swing that light back where you had it a moment ago!", said Blossom.

The light came to rest on a large contraption of bones and glowing rocks.

Blossom was starting to look worried. "Professor, why are those rocks glowing...?"

"Well, the ore that produces Chemical X glows when it's taken from the ground..."

Blossom continued, "But doesn't Chemical X make things superpowered..?"

The device floated upward and started towards them.

An astonished Blossom called out, "Professor, that kind of looks like Dynamo!" They ducked as it passed overhead.

"A cave man robot?", asked a puzzled Buttercup.

They went outside. The rock and bone robot hovered in midair, then briskly flew away.

"Come on, Girls, follow it!", said Blossom. The Girls flew off, leaving their hard hats spinning in the air.

"I wonder what it wants...", pondered the Professor.

"Pokey Oaks -- it's flying towards Pokey Oaks!", called out Bubbles.

"We've got to protect the children!", shouted Blossom.

It flew over Pokey Oaks and continued on.

"It must be headed for Townsville Hall -- it's planning to take over the City!", said Blossom.

The robot flew over the Town Hall and continued on. Finally it reached the edge of Townsville and showed no sign of slowing down.

"This thing just keeps flying!", complained Bubbles.

As the minutes passed, a sickening feeling started to rise up in Buttercup's stomach.

"Ohhh no...", she moaned. "This thing's headed for..."

"Citiesville!", said Blossom and Bubbles.

The vile town appeared on the horizon. It came closer and closer.

Finally the primitive rock and stone robot stopped and then floated down into the center of Citiesville. The Girls floated down beside it.

"Citiesville...", gasped Blossom.

"It's been...", continued Buttercup.

"Abandoned!" squealed Bubbles.

It certainly had been abandoned. The pavement was broken and cracked, with trees and shrubs growing upward, pushing aside pieces of pavement. One tree had a discarded car tire hung up among its branches.

 "The Mayor's office!", said Blossom in a commanding voice.

A moment later the Girls burst into the office of the Citiesville mayor. Nobody was there. A limp Citiesville flag had holes in it where mice had stolen pieces for their nests.

"The school!", said Bubbles.

The Girls flew there. They entered classroom they'd attended. The desks were still in place, but very dusty. A jacket was curled on the floor as if a cat had used it for a bed. Someone had rudely scrawled in chalk on the chalkboard, "Powerpuff Girls, drooling in the rain, lalala, they won't be back again."

Buttercup sneered, "Jeez, I sure won't miss those kids."

Blossom was thinking.

"Let's go back to that robot..."

They found the robot walking down Citiesville's main street. They floated alongside.

"Can you communicate, Ms. robot?", asked Bubbles.

"Bubbles, how do you know it's a girl robot?", asked a critical Buttercup.

"Just a feeling", said a wistful Bubbles.

The robot stopped, seemed frustrated, shrugged, then resumed walking.

"I'll tell you what", said Bubbles, "hold your hands up to say yes, and hold your hands down to say no."

Blossom asked, "Do you know what drove the people away from Citiesville?"

The robot answered yes.

"Are you on your way to fight it?", asked an interested Buttercup.

The robot shrugged uncertainly.

They continued along until they came to a newspaper dispenser. Blossom reached into a pocket in her suit, felt around, and brought out some money. She bought a paper. The headline read, "Citiesville's  Beloved Cave Man Chimp Villain Mojo Dodo passes away. 'Citiesville Is Doomed', Cries Mayor."

Blossom read the newspaper article out loud to her sisters. It told a tale of the evillest of evils running amok in Citiesville, playing the cruelest of mind games., driving people away in terror.

"Him!", the Girls declared, quite seriously. Strangely, the robot gestured no. This left the Girls puzzled. The robot resumed walking, then began setting overturned cars right side up. Buttercup and Blossom helped, while Bubbles started tying fallen power lines into pretty bows. Eventually the Girls said their goodbyes and began the flight home.

That evening the Girls discussed the robot. They wondered if the Chemical X in the cave had given its dwellers superpowers. The question arose if they should use the Professor's time machine to send some sort of gift back to the robot's makers, as a thank you and hello. Blossom suggested sending some fish hooks and an illustrated instruction sheet, as the cave dwellers were probably always hungry. At this point the Professor tucked the Girls in and they went to sleep.

The next morning --

"Ughhh...",  moaned Blossom. She sat up in bed.

"Blossom, what's wrong?",  asked Bubbles.

"You look terrible!", said a concerned Buttercup.

"I had a nightmare -- a terrible nightmare. The three of us had set a pile of school books on fire, and we were dancing around the bonfire like savages!"

Bubbles gave an impish glance. "Were there any math books in the fire?"

"Plenty of math books", confirmed Blossom. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason...", said Bubbles innocently.

"No reason except that you hate math", Buttercup pointed out.

"This had to be one of Him's mind games", said Blossom. "I'm paying him a a visit!"

An hour later the Girls crashed down into Him's lair. 

He was laid back on a couch reading a biography of Walt Disney. Blossom glared at him. "We just came back from Citiesville -- we saw what you did!"

Him calmly looked at her. "I've never been to Citiesville. As evil goes, it's a pretty low class place, or so I've been told. I have no desire to bolster the sagging villain economy of that little town."

"The papers tell a different story -- of a demon -- the evillest of evils!"

Him slowly caught on. "Ohhh...", he said. "So that's where he went..."

"Huh?!", asked three bewildered Girls.

Him sat up, collected his thoughts, then began addressing the Girls in a fatherly tone.

"You see, Girls , there are two kinds of evil. I specialize in evils of indulgence. There is another kind -- a very subtle kind."

Blossom gave a quirky look. "You mean you're not universally evil?"

"Oh, great heavens, no. Citiesville is clearly the work of my rival."

"What's his name?", asked Buttercup.

Him spoke the name.

The Girls exchanged glances. Somehow they recognized the name, even though they had never heard it before. Finally Blossom asked, "So what kind of evil does he deal in?"

"Well -- you know -- you never gain something without losing something else. Mark Twain said that after he had learned how  to navigate, the Mississippi River lost its magic" .He held up the book in his claw. "Walt Disney was sorry he never had a college education, but a friend told him that an education would've broken the spell of his magic..."

"That's the great evil? Education", gasped Blossom.

"Don't underestimate it."

The three Girls sagged. Buttercup was the most disappointed. No fight.

"Him", said Blossom, "They've discovered a cave in Townsville. A robot made of bones and Chemical X ore flew out, and right now it's cleaning up the mess in Citiesville. We think it may have been made by cave man Puffs like ourselves. We were planning to send them some sort of gift -- is there anything we could send them
that wouldn't destroy the magical world they live in?"

Three primitive Puffs were floating along in their savage world. A metal claw appeared and dropped something at their feet.

"Wog?", asked cave man Blossom.

She picked it up, turned it around in her hands, sniffed it. Eventually she saw that the box she was holding had a top she could open. She turned the box and a solid chocolate Him figure fell out. She picked it up, saw melted chocolate residue starting to form on her hands,and tossed the lump of milk chocolate quickly into the bushes in horror.

The box with the magic see-through front was given a place of honor in the Girls' cave. Inside it they placed seemingly supernatural pieces of tree bark that bore patterns resembling human faces.

The End

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Powerpuff Girls fanfiction, also posted at as rayb07

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From a part of the world that produced Donald Sutherland. Solemn. Victorian. A Bob Newhart world with a smug minority and a rate of childhood poverty matched only by Toronto. I survived. Sort of.