Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Chatter Box

Chatter Box



[An anxious teenage Japanese girl is talking to a giant plush animal.]

GIRL: Oh, Toronto, you have to help us! My sister June has disappeared, and we can't find her anywhere!

BUTTERCUP'S VOICE: Duh. He's a giant monster. Check and see if there's any little sister on his breath!

BUBBLES: Change the channel! Change the channel!

[The Townsville skyline appears]

NARRATOR (on TV): The city of Townsville! Today in this normally normal town, not everything is normal. For today is April first, and April first in Townsville is Talk Like Mojo Jojo Day!


BUBBLES' VOICE: Shouldn't that be "Oh sister", since you have no siblings, and thus no brothers to whom you might address?

BUTTERCUP'S VOICE: Oh, cut it out, Bubbles. Mojo Day is dumb. Let's just talk normally.

BLOSSOM: Agreed.

NARRATOR: Ah, here in Townsville Park we see Princess riding a large rare white wolf. Do you have anything to say to our listeners who are listening?

PRINCESS: Go away.

NARRATOR: Don't you wish to enjoy the fun of talking like Mojo when everyone else is talking like Mojo in a manner resembling Mojo Jojo when he is talking?

PRINCESS: Ape. How dare you address a Princess while she's riding on her wolf.

NARRATOR: Oh, look! It's the Mayor, walking with Ms. Bellum! Mayor, talk like Mojo.

MAYOR: Banana! Banana! Banana!

NARRATOR: Um... How about you, Ms. Bellum?

MS. BELLUM: Sighhh... This town is insane... which is to say it is lacking in sanity -- i.e., the people in it are nuts, they have lost their marbles, they're a few cards short of a full deck -- everybody in this town should be fitted with a stritjacket -- they should invent sanity juice and put it in the drinking water -- they should...

NARRATOR: I think we get the picture... moving on...

MS. BELLUM: And you! Where'd you get your training -- Spongebob Squarepants Correspondence School?

NARRATOR: Moving on! ... Oh look -- it's cute little Robin Schneider! Would you like to talk to everyone in a manner resembling Mojo Jojo?

ROBIN: Um... I'm not allowed to talk to strangers.

NARRATOR: I'm not a stranger -- I'm the Narrator!

ROBIN: What do you look like?

NARRATOR: I'm afraid the network won't let me say.

ROBIN: That bad, huh?

[She runs away.]

NARRATOR: Oh look -- it's Him!

[HIM in a jogging suit jogs ON SCREEN.]

NARRATOR: Him! Say something in Mojo-speak!

HIM (feminine voice): Banana! Banana! Banana!

NARRATOR: The Mayor already said that.

HIM (f.v.): The people in this town are insane!

NARRATOR: Ms. Bellum.

[HIM lowers his head and gives an evil grin.]

HIM (evil voice): What do you look like?!

NARRATOR: Jeesh -- Robin Schneider beat you to that one.

HIM (f.v.) Sighhh... I really should spend more time away from my lair -- I'm getting stale... which is to say my material has passed its best before date -- and here I had always believed I was timeless...

NARRATOR: Poor chap... Hey -- it's Femme Fatale! Say something in Mojo.

FEMME FATALE: Typical. It's always a male narrator -- and Mojo's a male. Why couldn't Mojo have been a woman chimp? (speaking as a female Mojo): Today I shall go shopping for a new dress, for all of the dresses which I currently own are old and not new. Then I shall bake a cake, using the instruments of baking with which to bake it, and while it bakes in the oven I shall lick the spatula here in my stylish mountaintop observatory where I can observe the stores in Townsville to see the sale advertising promotions in their windows where they have been placed to be seen.

NARRATOR: This one doesn't know when to stop talking.

FEMME FATALE: Because I'm a woman -- that's what you mean, isn't it?

NARRATOR: Oh look -- it's -- the Powerpuff Girls!

[The PPG in their living room appear on TV.]

BUTTERCUP: Hey, how'd they do that?

NARRATOR: Come on, Girls, talk like Mojo.

BUBBLES: How did you get us on the TV screen in this manner which is different from the manner in which we are normally displayed?

NARRATOR: That's good. Blossom?

BLOSSOM: I think Talk Like Mojo Jojo Day is dumb. I think we should have -- Make Yourself Look Like What You Think The Narrator Looks Like Day!

NARRATOR: ...Cut to Hearts And Stars!



[The PPG appear wearing various kinds of eyeglasses, false noses, ears, and facial hair.]

NARRATOR: That is so unfunny.

The End

Powerpuff Girls fanfiction, also posted at as rayb07

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From a part of the world that produced Donald Sutherland. Solemn. Victorian. A Bob Newhart world with a smug minority and a rate of childhood poverty matched only by Toronto. I survived. Sort of.