Wednesday, August 22, 2012


      "The City of Townsville! It's happening right here in the City of Townsville!", said Blossom in disbelief.

     What's happening?", asked Buttercup.

     "A satellite radio station -- they're broadcasting all sorts of nonsense -- threatening to overthrow man and take over the world!"

    "Huh? Who?", asked Buttercup.

     Bubbles explained sadly, "Rabbits. There's a bunch of rogue bunnies living under our  house. The Professor's Chemical X got to them and now they're superintelligent and asking the animals of the world to overthrow mankind."

     "Apparently Mojo is there biggest fan", added Blossom.

     Sure enough, Mojo was following their program as he sliced up fish and vegetables.

     "Man was never more than a passing fad," shouted a lady rabbit. "His time has passed, and now it's time for the intelligent animals of this planet to dethrone him!"

     "Right on, sister rabbit," answered Mojo. "This is what I have been saying all along, from the very start, for this is exactly what the wisdom of Mojo Jojo sees to be the truth that is correct."

     Blossom looked worried. "I think it's time we paid them a visit..."

     There were numerous rabbit tunnels under the Utonium home. The Girls broke their way down into one of them. The tunnel was dark, with dim lights glowing here and there, joined by a wire. Everything was in a deep shade of purple.

     "It's almost kind of pretty..."' said Bubbles.

     A rabbit on his hind legs ran past silently, paying them no attention. The Girls floated along, and things started  to get lighter. Finally they entered a large well-lit chamber. In the center, a very intense rabbit queen sat on a wooden throne that her subjects had carved with their teeth.The walls seemed to glow with bright jewels, but on closer inspection the jewels turned out to be small shiny things that people had discarded.

     "So, I see the Powerpuff Girls have come to pay their respects to their Queen. It's about time, if you ask me.", snarled the Queen.

     "Whatcha talking about, harebrain?", snapped Buttercup.

     "Do you have a name?", asked Bubbles.

     "I am the supreme and ultimate monarch of the planet and the universe! I am your queen and emperor. I am Phyllis the First, the one and only, haw haw haw.!"

     "Crackpot...", muttered Buttercup.

     "You're a public menace!", said Blossom, scoldingly. "You threaten the human race, you seek chaos and rebellion... you ought to be locked away!"

     Some of the rabbits near the Queen approached the Girls with warning looks on their faces.

     "It's all an act, dearie! All of life is nothing but an act."

     "Bunnies should be nice! Bunnies should be friendly and want to hug you!", wept Bubbles.

     "Aw, does the little girl want a hug...? Listen, kid, all I ever got from people is buckshot in my behind! I've got so much buckshot in my butt, I set off the metal detectors in airports. I've got so much buckshot in me, when I'm cremated, I won't be ashes, I'll be a blob of solder. I've got so much buckshot in me, I have to chase away men who want to use my butt as a lead mine, haw haw haw!"

     "You've got to stop threatening the human race," demanded Blossom.

     "Aw, you're no fun..."

     "There's no room on this planet for warmongerers. If you stir the fires of discontent, you're only going to get burned. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword."

     "You're quite the little chatterbox, aren't you?"

     "It's all up to you. We're the Powerpuff Girls. We're stronger than you. There's no reason you can't live a long and happy life here if you agree to behave yourselves."

     "I won't give up my crown."

     "Do you  give your word that you'll become a peaceful citizen of the world?"

     "Oh, very well, I'll be good..."

     "Girls, I think this is an important moment in the history of Powerpuff diplomacy!", boasted Blossom.

     The Girls floated back up to the Professor's basement lab. They were surprised to find that for once the Professor was angry that they'd blasted a hole in the  house. It took them some time to fill in the hole with cement and smooth it over. They looked at the Professor with self-conscious smiles and were glad when he approved. 

     Cleaned off, they floated to their bedroom and went to bed. They debated for a while about the rabbits, but decided that these were rabbits who had mended their ways. 

     The Girls went to sleep.

     Then --

    In the middle of the night --


     The girls awoke, startled.

      "What on earth was that?", asked Buttercup.

      Blossom stammered, "Those... those... those blasted biofreak bunnies just detonated a test nuclear warhead in the earth's mantle under our home!"

     Five minutes later Blossom was at the Professor's time machine setting dials. Then she and Buttercup flew off.

     Bubbles waited.

     She waited.

     She looked down, wondered if her fingernails needed cutting, then remembered Powerpuff Girls don't have fingernails. She looked up. She blinked.

     Then she heard it. 

     The sound of hundreds of little frightened rabbit feet pattering frantically towards the time machine. A great line of rabbits fled through the portal of the Professor's time machine. Queen Phyllis stopped, turned to glare at an angry approaching Blossom, but lost her nerve and jumped into the portal. Blossom flew up and shut down the machine.

     "I hope you enjoy your new home, Queen Phyllis!", mocked Blossom.

     Three stone age Powerpuff Girls were floating along in their savage world. Bubbles was chewing on a ragged bone, but could find no meat. The Girls floated around a large boulder, and found themselves face to face with a community of rabbits. Buttercup's eyes lit up. She approached Queen Phyllis, drool dripping down from her cave man teeth.

     "Oh goody," said Queen Phyllis, "I suppose I should call you Fang..."

The End




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Powerpuff Girls fanfiction, also posted at as rayb07

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From a part of the world that produced Donald Sutherland. Solemn. Victorian. A Bob Newhart world with a smug minority and a rate of childhood poverty matched only by Toronto. I survived. Sort of.